Odds For A Bettor Halftime Show
Wednesday - February 17, 2010
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Super Bowl XLIV: Good game, stupid commercials and a terrible halftime show. Though the visuals were sweet.
Now before you get excited and begin offering musical homage to Tommy,allow me to explain. The Who was once a great rock band. The inventor of punk and teenage angst was a powerhouse that fused raw aggression with thoughtful lyrics. Now the guys are just old and missing teeth - both figuratively and no doubt literally. Roger Daltry’s scream in Won’t Get Fooled Again was once a primal, wild wail of defiance. Now it just assaults the ear drum. And not in a good way. Pete’s guitar retains some of its anger, but he clearly wasn’t in sync at times with the rest of the band.
The NFL will never admit an error, but those in charge have to know that for the second year in a row the half-time concert failed to deliver a proper performance. Tom Petty looked like a corpse two years ago, and it should come as no surprise that The Who was brought in to get people moving. And make no mistake about it, the staged excitement of young 20-somethings rocking out to Mary Jane’s Last Dance didn’t fool anyone.
So what’s a league to do? Scheduling someone with a pulse would help. But while the league is not apt to follow the suggestions of humble mid-Pacific scribes, at least we can offer an assist to those looking for early Super Bowl XLV prop bets on next year’s big break extravaganza. Two dollar minimum.
Kiss 18-1: Kiss will play the halftime show. It’s only a matter of time. They have all the requirements: They know how to put on a big show, they have a catalog of recognizable songs with easy choruses and they’re old. Payoff $38.
Kid Rock 10-1: Rock was one of the forgotten performers, along with Nelly and P. Diddy, at the infamous nipplegate show in 2004. The man is lightning in a big old can of Midwest redneck rock and rap whoop ass.
Payoff $22.
Country Music 5-2: No single performer would be considered big enough to handle the show alone. Make it an ensemble act, which the NFL absolutely adores, and you’ve got something to wager on. The game is being played in Texas, for gosh sakes. Begin with GOP heartthrob Toby Keith, add some Kenny Chesney, a little Tim McGraw and a dash of Faith Hill and you’ve got a show-stopper.
The game will mark, in calendar years, the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11. A patriotic celebration featuring Keith’s Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American), American Soldier and American Ride, whose amusing comedic video would be spectacular on the Cowboys’big screen, is a natural. Payoff $7.
Green Day 20-1: Just a great American rock with attitude! The punk label could be scary, and there is no way they could play American Idiot, but they’ve got more than enough material to blow the roof off Jerry Jones’ new palace. Payoff $42.
Bon Jovi 25-1: Rumor has it they have already been on the NFL’s short list. A band with shocking staying power could get the nod even if their most famous songs are 1980s powder puff hair metal. Payoff $52.
Elton John 28-1: Sir Elton is another woulda, coulda, shoulda performer. The 2012 games should give him better odds. Payoff $58.
Black Eyed Peas 20-1: Perhaps the one band that offers the most crossover appeal. The NFL likes rock, and the rest of the world is downloading hip-hop at a crazy rate. Payoff $42.
Metallica 50-1: The black album alone could account for higher odds. No metal band has ever played the big game. Aerosmith is the closest, but has become a hard rock corporation instead of a band. Payoff $102.
Van Halen 35-1: The biggest knock on the ‘80s biggest band is that no one can be sure who will be on vocals or if Eddie Van Halen has any more kids looking for work. Payoff $72.
Eagles 15-1: Great songs. American. Safe. They won’t get the sweat flying but the league will get a good performance and no surprises. Payoff $32.
Led Zeppelin 45-1: It is not even a band anymore, but the exposure of 100 million people would be appealing to Jimmy Page’s wallet. Get them to say yes and the odds double. Payoff $92.
AC/DC 40-1: One of the few hard rock bands you can dance to. Brian Johnson’s voice is a bit blown, so that would be a problem. Payoff $82.
Jay-Z and friends 35-1:The league has already said Eminem is inappropriate, but the businessman rapper could make it happen. Going old school with a salute to Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five could help. Bringing in Dr. Dre and Snoop to relight The Chronic would be awesome but not likely. Pay off $72.
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